I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day...

Hello. My name is John Patrick Higgins and most days find me curled in front of my computer, like a foetus with scoliosis expecting a kick in the balls. There it is now, staring me down with its baleful eye; daring me. "Go on," it says in its cold flat monotone, "tickle my keys; fill my space-bar with comedy gold; try and move my shift-key:make me doff my "Caps"

And every day I plonk myself back down in front of this jeering cyber-bully and attempt to wrangle meaning out of the peculiar set of ideas; the odd personal tics and tropes that fizz in my large and well thatched head. I attempt to write.

Innocent enough you might think. But you would be wrong.